First of all. Hi. I’ve fallen and I stamp sht up.

Here I am. Did you miss me? The three people that read this blog probably forgot I exist but like Em says, “it feels so EM-pty without me” 

I have some new motivation. I got my name in another spot on the internets

yea, these cats actually let me write a blog post on their legit website!! 

I’m feeling highly motivated at the moment and it was in a timely manner. I’ve got a lot of ideas ready to burst out my brainium. Hopefully those of you reading are ready to start spreading the good word about the honorable work of the dishonorable priestess of prose, Lisa Marie. 

Next up– pissing poetry. 

If you haven’t yet, don’t forget to check out this great work of art:


Isn’t It Ironic? IsN’T IT!?!?

 Ever since I was a teenager I’ve had a love hate relationship with this word. My experience with irony has been, well, traumatic is putting it lightly. Actually thats not true I just wanted to say something like that for dramatic effect, but then I realized it was cliche so I had to let you know that it’s not actually true because I would never be that cliche… on accident. My first experience with irony was of course harsh, foreign, and slightly awkward. I can’t remember if I cried afterward but I am very confident that it was similar to my first time working retail.  Thats right, it was  when I watched the film “Reality Bites”. This is a show that basically defined all of the characters in my life that I wanted to be as an adult, yet had no idea how or when I would obtain it. They were college graduates figuring out life in the city and even though at the time I thought college was for yuppies, I desperately wanted to appear educated. For those of you who’ve never seen it. Here is the mindfuck of a script (with commentary ala moi):

[At a job interview with pompous newspaper guy]Mr. Pompous: Define irony.
Lelaini [Wynona Ryder]: Irony. Uh… Irony. It’s a noun. It’s when something is… ironic. It’s, uh… Well, I can’t really define irony… but I know it when I see it! [Depressing elevator scene after horrible interview but then she runs into her brooding friend/lover musician type guy]

Lelaini: Hey. Hey. Oh, my god. I’ve never been so glad… to see anyone in my entire life. This day has been the biggest nightmare. I mean, these job interviews, Troy… the word vivisection, a staggering understatement. Can you define irony?

Troy [as he is hunkered over coffee with a lit cigarette, his greasy post-hippie grunge hair, and his beat generation hand-me-down that later became hipster clothes] :It’s when the actual meaning is the complete opposite… from the literal meaning.

Lelaini: Yeah. My god.



The truth is that it took me years to dissect that message. When Alanis Morisette came through in her car full of crazies I still didn’t get it. [ this time I have the video] love that song and felt it’s true that bad stuff happens. That’s basically the song. LIFE SUCKS. Is that irony? What’s ironic, is how fucking happy/sweet sounding the song is. Thats the probably the ironic part. maybe. I discovered this when people started realizing that the song was in fact not actually irony. At one point there was a big hub-bub about this fact on the internets: 

“‘The loose “use of irony and ironically, to mean an incongruous turn of events, is trite. Not every coincidence, curiosity, oddity and paradox is an irony, even loosely. And where irony does exist, sophisticated writing counts on the reader to recognize it.’ Alanis Morissette’s song “Ironic” is equally useful. If it rains on your wedding day, that’s a coincidence, not an irony. If you win the lottery and drop dead before claiming the money, it’s good luck followed by bad luck. If you meet the man of your dreams and then meet his beautiful wife, it’s a bummer. But if a song called “Ironic” contains no irony, is that in itself ironic? Nope” guess they felt the same depth of internal frustration about Reality Bites because the article also alluded to it. I also found a TON of blog posts about how frustrating irony is so I know that I’m not alone in this.

Now, you may be asking yourself: “BUT LISA MARIE WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT!?!?” 

Hah! you thought there was going to be a point to this post? 


Daily Affirmations n Shit: It’s on the tip of my next epiphany.


Just in case you forgot what my face looks like while I’m thinkin realll hard (in super awesome glasses) I put this in for ya.

I’ve been talking about my new therapist a lot and today is no different. He gives me a LOT to think about. 

And what am I thinking?

I’m thinking that its all I can do is think– and feel–but not together, not in harmonious concert. 

My therapist is trying to convince me otherwise. But I don’t know if him convincing me will actually get me to the river and help me to drink. 

Okay, you’re lost. Let me break it down: 

– I am depressed about a lot of things.

– I am anxious about a lot of things.

– I get caught up in these emotions and start arguing or crying

– I waste a lot of time trying to make shit happen

– None of this is serving me well in my pursuit to make my life and/or the world a better place.

– AND, I’m afraid of not working hard enough and being complicit through lack of action

There’s more but that’s about all I can pinpoint right now. 

Sorry, that’s all I got for today.

Rape Culture, The Media, Racist Hate Speech and MORE! (thats right, all in one day)

All in a day in the life of a self-designated SJW, I unwittingly opened a can of race bait that resulted in me being called the N-word for the first time inmy life. In case you didn’t know, I’m white and it wasn’t street use of the word. Yup, this is a real tongue twister. Lets see if I can unravel it.

Today I had engaged friendly yet sharp discussion about the relationship between the news, potential victims of rape/molestation, and the accused.

It all began, humbly, on (where else) Facebook…

With the sharing of this article:
Subject Headlined:

“Shame on you Hermiston Herald! Nothing but speculation! Get your facts together before you go ruining people’s lives! This article has about as much to back it up as the articles in the National Enquirer!”

I’m not sure what the previous article said (it was edited), but within the comment thread it was treated as such that the current article was also grossly misrepresented.

We had a little bit of a back and forth with me on the supporting end of the victims and also the report. That seemed to be pretty much it. The OP thanked me for the debate.

But then I saw  a comment from someone else that…really… it needed my attention. He was begging for someone to respond.

Never one to disappoint/backdown
I decided to turn the tables with a more offensive response in my signature, AND WHAT!?! style.


I will agree, my first response could be seen as a bit “trollish” but doesn’t the troll of a troll cancel itself out? He made a sexist comment that is ridiculous and untrue, I made a comment that is ridiculous and has been proven to be true:

A. Although this doesn’t highlight male vs. female, the number of rapists who are actually incarcerated is at 2 %

Thus my comment “if only that were true”

B. It is well known that black men, while also being a minority populating are incarcerated at a higher rate than white men.

Although a logical conclusion should result here are some details of those wrongfully convicted:
Thats today. Back in the day? They were hung.

Lets get back to the conversation at hand. Apparently, when I thought I was making a terse point to an avid misogynist, I was unlocking an onslaught of unconscious racism.

Yea, when he saidyou’re one of those I too thought he meant a SJW Feminist Bitch, and infact proceeded to respond that way before seeing this slew of comments:


Now, I realize that a “nice” country boy that married a Hispanic-American is getting a REAL shock on a few fronts so I can understand him being a little unraveled. But I had NO CLUE where this came from or was going.  I was so shocked by his statements at first I didn’t even realize how racist he was– just that he thought I was black for some reason. Now, I’ve had people tell me that I think I’m black, or urgently reminding me that I’m white, and even been given the “hehehe u like that jungle juice hehehe” garbage. But never, has anyone ever not only assumed  I was black, but then ranted on some racist hate shit that I couldn’t even comprehend.

Apparently he couldn’t comprehend it either.


**authors note: just like being gay, you don’t suddenly turn racist. If it comes out, it’s been there ALLLL ALLLOOONNG. Luckily, unlike being gay– you can unlearn ignorance**

Basically, he’s confused, because apparently he has black friends, but he was so offended by my bold use of the words BLACK and DICK together that he saw a new side of himself?

[NOTE: I wrote those words reallll big because they are not offense. Not alone or together. The fact that a woman is saying them doesn’t change that they are the same that a man would say. There is nothing to fear from black dicks. They are attached to a variety of beautiful, intellectual, spiritual, fiesty, funny, nerdy, strong, soft, awkward, charming and whatever-else good/bad thing you can think of type of people.]

I really want to talk about this phenomenon of the white male’s response to intellectual women with an aggressive voice and the fear of black/minority take over. WHY? because this isn’t the first time that I’ve encountered this type of response when I am debating race/crime/feminist issues. It’s not quite as bad when talking about classism, although shockingly I do come up with some issues in that area with people from East. Oregon. When race and issues of feminism such as rape are combined, apparently its a powder keg for those with the fragile white-country boy ego. This is speculation of course, but I would be pleasantly surprised to find more men who aren’t the exception.

Not only is it so incredibly common on the internet that a white male would come up with a defense in this way, but its supported through the women and other “innocent” men that are friends/relatives with these people. I feel VERY strongly that the types of discussions happening in cities along the lines of race, gender, class, and socio-politics NEED to happen in rural areas. Yes, city guys get like this too, but it’s harder for them to get away with it. In the country, women do not want to cause friction with their already small pool of companions.

Clearly, this young woman doesn’t understand how the words he’s using against me could quickly be used against her. I hope they never do. I hope that he opens his eyes, but I don’t know. The conversation was deleted shortly after I got the screenshots.

I’ve done it too.
One of my “favorite” uncles is the biggest racist that I know. Growing up, he even offended me in so many ways, but somehow I had learned to let these things go and give him a pass and treat him with kindness and love.  To this day I find myself telling talking to the women instead of wasting time with arrogant men. This is the type of thing that allows women to get harassed and bullied for speaking their mind.

We have to find ways to talk about these things and be open to discussing things fairly–to step outside of our own feelings because its really quite logical why changes need to be made. It has nothing to do with heart.

Please, if you have someone on your page that harasses you or someone else for their opinion (calling them names, making assumptions, sending an onslaught of texts, telling them to get out..etc or making threats) don’t allow it. You can tell your friend/relative that they are out of line without making  big fight. Truthfully, when someone STARTS a fight, neither you or I are complicit to any of their behavior. I use my words powerfully and for much too long have I apologized and silenced myself because I  emasculated someone because they didn’t expect me to have the power to do so. I have been called names so often that I don’t even cry over it anymore– but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t happen. Writing about it doesn’t mean that it is good for me either.

I’d rather not have to write about this.

I’d rather write about happy adventures and love poems and kittens, I promise.

Nightly Affirmations N Shit?

I’m a big proponent of the idea that if one thing works in one context then it can also possibly work in a parallel context. Tonight I will rest well in the short amount of time that I have. I will dream cute puppy dog dreams where I’m chasing cars that turn into deer jerky and I chew them up. I will dream a new world of surreal proportions that is incredibly convenient and yet I never become a lazy slob. And… now… I … am…going. ZZzzzzz

Daily Fucking Affirmations N Shit: #blessed.

I don’t know if this is something weird in the water, or someone secretly upped my dose of proazac, but this week I have been on some reconciliation, professionalism, peace shit. It’s kind of weird because it felt like for a good two months my middle name was “Bitch, And What?!” It was really not jiving with my previous defense mechanisim of being cheerful and cheesy and giggly at everything. Talk about cognitive dissonance. This week its all flowing though? I mean, after I had a #biggirlcry on Thursday thats how I’m feeling. Facebook reminded me that I’m not homeless. I’m not lamenting a huge break-up filled with lies revealed. I got a bike and some tiny baby muscles. My guitar stays in tune for at least an hour. My new crappy phone allows me to dl Mix Radio, my new obsession. I finally listened to Kendrik Lamar’s To Pimp A Butterfly. Today I’m #blessed. I’m #hashtag. My third eye is wide open, and I don’t even hear the voices.

The Next Weird Dream That Wants to be a Story/Book

They were all on a trip through a mountain with a huge canyon. Tromping along happily they didn’t realize that one of them was on a mission. The mysterious woman that no one knew, was hanging in the back. It’s not abnormal for new people to be shy, but this was sort of eery. She had a worn look to her. Her straggly sand colored hair and red-blotched dry looking skin was only eclipsed by a clear etch of hard muscle. Definitely a survivalist and NOT a pampered city-girl like some of the others. 

Other than that it seemed like a normal day. Perfect weather, moderate trail (albeit new to everyone), and friendly intellectual banter bubbling up from the group. They didn’t even notice when she disappeared. They didn’t see where she went or the fight she had with the person guarding the secret doorway. 

this happens every time. I’m running out of time and have to go to work. Heres the highlights:

She falls in front of them out of nowhere, wounded (but not helpless– she has already used a healing serum). She has a huge gash on her leg that looks like a small shark bit into her. 

The group sort of freaks out but then she starts telling them to take a new path and that they were all ready for the mission ahead of them. 

She showed them through a cave entrance where she explained that they were chosen to recover the “gamer girl” from the old world.

The old world is a post-apocalyptic mess of robots and mutants. 

The gamer girl is needed to warn us in the new world of the dangers of skirting ethics and throwing away living mistakes. 

They just need to convince her that the new world is worth saving. 

And.. they also have to survive the wars in all of the crazy different parts of the old world. Luckily there are lots of over grown trees and trash to hide in. 

We decide to split up and look for her in groups. 

The story will commence by checking on the different groups as they search for the gamer girl. 

some places:
half man/half car heap (a REAL half man attached to a small vehicle, not a transformer) runs around tinkering with all the old vehicles and keeps them safe like his family. Similar to a junkyard but the cars are alive. very muddy and cars piled high except in the center.

evil science lair full of crazy people and scientists building stuff to fight, but also to eventually go to the new world and take over their resources. lots of mazes and puzzles as booby traps created by the scientists. no one leader– its a team of three that think thay are supporting all of the crazy people who were rejected with them.

the jungle.. basically has every mutant animal you can imagine– some that are nice and jsut trying to survive and some that will eat you and spit you out. It’s not always easy to tell who is who. eg. a cute bunny could have a robotic malfunctioning kill sequence…etc.

and then the gamer girls home. Not sure because in my dream (yes this came from a dream) we didn’t get there yet. Hopefully I will.