Daily Fucking Affirmations N Shit: Wait, Let Me Explain.

Today is a day in which I allow myself to be whatever it is that I will be, and be okay with it. That in mind, I still want to write so I will take this time to explain why I started doing this daily affirmation shit. 

If you’ve been following along (hehe…riiigghtt) you will have noticed that sometimes I write a lot, sometimes I write a little and sometimes I don’t write at all. This is a problem, because my intention was to get better at writing and to have a regular creative outlet that wasn’t stifled by preconceived boundaries, grand intentions, and especially societal expectations. 

Recently, I’ve started with a new therapist and seems to be shaking me out of my lazy content bubble at a time when everything is getting rough again and the warrior/monster in my soul is getting restless. He’s got me thinking-A LOT. Which isn’t abnormal, but this seems to be very productive thought as opposed to paranoid stream of consciousness. 

He has me thinking about my choices and how they effect the things that I claim are important to me. That is, whether I consider them at all– or if I’m just reacting to over-stimulation from making every. single. thing. that I remotely care about– the hill I wanna die on. 

Creativity is important to me. Self-acceptance is important to me. Family and friends are important to me. Yet what do I do all day? Argue on Facebook, watch TV, and do light labor for pocket change. At a bottle of Raspberry Lambic and a pack of camels and I’m back where I was without a 11 year struggle. Same level of brokeness. I’m smarter and I’m sober–but what am I doing with it now? People are impressed when I tell them that I had a non-profit that failed, lol. It happened organically. That’s how I’ve always been. I am always thinking too much but I’m NEVER calculating. 

Of course this is no different. My therapist said that writers write. Who am I? Why am I not who I wanna be? Because I’m not doing the act of being that or trying. I need to write, daily. Then an artist that I follow on FB posted a thing about affirming “who you will be” daily to set off the energy right. I totally dig that since I’m obsessed with the energy of the universe and being able to control/manipulate it. It all fits. Classic universal destiny droppin hints!

But you know I couldn’t write some fluffly, granola/ “I will be a rich, CEO who loves the earth” affirmation. “Daily Fucking Affirmations ‘N’ Shit” was born. It’s only day three and they are mostly happening in the middle of the day after I’ve already wasted the morning facebooking with fresh intellectual fellas who I wanna hook up with but will never give me the time of day (I gotta start being honest about this, lol). Still–here we are. DOING THE DAMN THING. I’m also listening to MIX RADIO because I’m obsessed with it. I’m convinced that it has the best algorithms and it has commercials so I’m hoping they are paying Taylor Mcferrin a lot of money…

I will still be posting weekly socio-political rants, personal stories, updates about how I feel about the meds/health, and OR random poetry (not ALL that). And, if all goes well I will finish this article that I’m writing for http://www.classism.org/. It feels more like work than fun so I’m having trouble with it, lol. That is all. Today is just be day. 

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