Daily Fucking Affirmations ‘N Shit: The Cockroach

 I often throw around cliches  like flowers on a wedding day. But today I am going in on one: “When it rains, it pours”. People always say it when they are overwhelmed by stress. The truth is that rain can be both a curse and also an amazing blessing that gives life to the people and plants of the earth. But then again there are floods and drowning–both quite dangerous. TODAY– I woke up to incessant doorbell ringing by some pompous looking casual business man with a mustache. I didn’t open the door because I had no idea who he was and my landlord gave me no indication of someone coming. A truck drove up with wood in the back and heard him saying that he was going to “break in through the second floor window”. As you can imagine I was pretty freaked out. I was watching the guy through the window as he saw me and began to speak in a very aggressive and self-important tone, “Hello I’m with management. We came to fix the roof and pave the driveway here. I was going to break in because I’ve been ringing the bell since 730” he spit out through is cigar ‘stache.

“I know.” I replied, “I didn’t answer because I was sleeping and no one told me that someone was coming.” 

“Well I work with Kiou”

“Kiou didn’t tell me about this”

“Well he wouldn’t do that because…” *mumble mumble* 

“Okay well, break in then.” I said as I stomped inside to find the number for that lawyer who is always saying he’ll help me and that I’m his favorite cashier…hopefully he doesn’t want payment–of any kind. 

I tried to sleep on the couch to no avail. My anxiety has kicked in. 
My soon-to-be ex roomate who last night said that I was emotionally manipulative and refused to let me show her room at noon today said she would be coming to move stuff in the afternoon. Well, she said I couldn’t show the room at noon and I expressed extreme distress about it.   I’ve been anticipating her awkward and forceful entrance any moment but she is not here yet. 

I missed the skype appt with the potential new roommate and also forgot that I had promised to tutor from 12-2 today. 

The landlord just called and ranted at me about 30 days notice. He clearly want’s us out but he is saying he needs the money to pay all of these things. We must have a new roommate and we agreed to the rental increase or you gotta move out and you didn’t let the guy fix the thing…etc. 

How am I supposed to affirm my self in any sort of positive manner on a day like this when anxiety is bubbling in my stomach and curling its claws up my back and around my neck?

I did laugh at Big Hero 6. I need a Baymax. OUCH. I am affirming that I need a daily health assistant and that I want one. Also, I am affirming that until I get one I will live like the cockroach and squeeze myself into whatever tiny space that I possibly can. I will move swiftly and eat whatever scraps I can find because I’ve made friends with the bacteria in my belly. I will continue on.

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