No, I haven’t…yet.

I haven’t, yet, go-of-let: YOU.
inspired by silence but I haven’t yet tried to forget you-
Still haven’t you over my shoulders just your plaid shirt haunts-
Just the memories of laughter in my head laced in sweet kisses and ecstasy-
I haven’t yet been able to bet on myself and toss the hope that you will come to your senses and remember this love connection between two souls with so much hope and promise of the good life-
But you never could like something so much you own it.
Your desires turn inward, tightly packed in alphabetical order among your fondest memories and self-respect, wrapped in shame and regret, put in a box shaped heart, and locked by an unknown key shape. 
I haven’t yet let go of the hope that you will discover that I hold one such key. 
I haven’t yet trashed your emails. I haven’t yet gone on another date. I haven’t yet written that epic tale of how you exploded rainbows into my world and then slowly ripped them to pieces covertly over the course of a year. I haven’t yet let go of the dream that I might save up my money to buy a ticket to where you are and run up to you singing the greatest love song you’ve ever known. I haven’t yet imagined that going well for me, either.
If one were to ask me if I understand what happened I would answer, “No, I haven’t yet understood how this could be possible” 
I haven’t yet stopped making excuses for your behavior. 
I haven’t yet said, “I deserve better” but I can highlight the reasons why my heart still beats your rhythm. I can unravel a leather-bound prism into pieces of light that shine when you match it up with the sun and look at it in just the right way- 
I haven’t yet learned that love is supposed to stay. 
I haven’t, yet, dreamed of my new life or my new love because my old life always interrupts, “oh how we almost had it all”
And this ain’t horeshoes or hand grenades. 
If you are asking have I given up. 
Of course.
I haven’t.


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